Disbelief. It has a way of starting as a seed and morphing into an all consuming reality.

An invasive species inside our very own veins. Did we ask for these roots to grow and embed themselves into our bloodstream? Disbelief masks itself as an ending we must know. A future we must learn how to control. Unpredictable and yet giving us the fallacy of safety through our attempts to predict what happens next.

However, there is an active and passive greeting to the disbelief from time to time.

This is where we open our doors to let Faith approach us in an embrace.

Faith. Being a repellent for our eagerness to have answers as soon as possible. A shield to the uncertainty. To the anxiety. To the anger we do not hold all of life’s answers in the palm of our hands.

& then enters The Lights.

The Northern Lights. What started as a planned adventure with the guaranteed bliss my eyes would have the honor of capturing their glow turned into a limitless search for an answer to the question, “Will I see them tonight?” The shame for being unaware the Northern Lights were not an assured experience overtook me in those first couple of nights.

I wish I could write, “then I stopped worrying and faith took lead.” However, that is not always our first experience when it comes to faith. Sometimes faith can be felt in a moment and sometimes it can be felt in a long season of a dedicated dance with choosing to pursue its meaning.

My experience was the former. It was in a moment when I looked up at the sky and whispered the words, “if it is meant to be, it will be, and I choose to believe it will be.”

As you can see in the picture, my glimmer and moment of faith that night transcended into the night’s sky. This moment serving as a forever reminder to self: we cannot rush our fates AND our faith can act as the comforting blanket for an outcome we aspire to one day encounter.

May I take my “Northern Lights Faith” into the unforeseeable future, trusting its glow to guide me through the unknown.

What helps you through your murky waters and darkest nights?

Northern Lights Faith ✨

Since We Are All Singing the Lyric, Let’s Actually Talk About It: Childhood Sexual Abuse