Since We Are All Singing the Lyric, Let’s Actually Talk About It: Childhood Sexual Abuse
Yes, I am talking about that lyric — the one chanted in unison at both the Grammys and now the Super Bowl. Two of the largest stages in entertainment, filled with some of the world’s most powerful people, all singing the same lyric.
A Minor.
These next passages are meant for every survivor of childhood sexual abuse who feels a deeper connection — whether through memories or emotions — when hearing that specific lyric repeated time and time again. If you feel confused or experience shame for not dancing when the song comes on, you are not alone. You do not have to “change yourself” to fit into the collective experience. What happened to you matters.
It is easy to get caught up in the catchiness of Kendrick Lamar’s Not Like Us. I, too, have found myself singing the lyric at random moments throughout the day. But it was only last night, while watching Kendrick’s performance, that I realized: the world is having a conversation without actually having a conversation — about a topic that is both unfathomably common and yet so severely underreported.
The song acknowledges the predatory behavior of grooming children, of specifically targeting minors with sexualized advances. However, the conversation must go deeper than a lyric. It must shine into the places often riddled with shame, pain, guilt, and darkness. We must grieve for the survivors who have been groomed, sexualized, and abused at such a young age.
According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), child protective services find substantiated evidence of childhood sexual abuse every nine minutes.
Every. Nine. Minutes.
RAINN also reports that 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault, with 82% of all victims under 18 being female.
As a therapist who has worked in the field of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) for years, I can confidently say these statistics are severely underreported for a multitude of reasons. These include, but are not limited to: not being believed when reporting, gender-related shame, the perpetrator being a family member or close family friend, and a society inherently unwilling to listen to children.
Given the gravity of these statistics, you would think this conversation would hold more weight in our culture — a societal wake-up call long overdue.
So, how do we wake up and begin taking this issue seriously? How do we stop using CSA in catchy lyrics and, instead, turn to survivors — creating space for their shame and pain?
We must do this collectively.
“Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation,” writes Judith Herman.
This means YOU can be a safe space for someone you love who has carried the weight of their experience for a lifetime. YOU can be the person who holds their story and says the words:
“I believe you.”
The question is, are you ready to listen?